It's a damn cold night...

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
いつか失ってしまうのかな。薄れてゆく笑顔と君を守りたい。
-- D-technolife

If fate is a wheel, then we are the sand that is crushed between the cogs.

Don't judge a life by one difficult season.

独自并不代表孤单，在一群人中狂笑着有时更寂寞。
-- 吴庆康

At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought.
-- Deepak Chopra
于是我让孤独更孤独，有一种不是悲伤的悲伤，才是刻骨铭心的悲伤。
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.
-- St Francis.
People's actions are influenced by their expectations. People respond not just to what is happening now, but to what they anticipate will happen in the future.
-- Sloman
不管你会不会忘了我，我只想告诉你一个秘密。
--《不能说的·秘密》

Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind.
-- Deepak Chopra

The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death but when I stand in front of you yet you don't know that I love you.
-- Tagore
Do do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.
-- Matt 6:34

まだ不器用に笑うね まだ悲しみが似合うから
キミに降る痛みを 拭ってあげたい すべて I for you
-- I For You

the optimistic pessimist

supposedly an adult, she thinks like an adult (too much, if you ask me). deep inside, she is nothing but a little girl, with her little lofty dreams and ideals. and oops, she is breaking them, one by one.
more often than not, she is just an angsty emo kid.

she is only but
a passer-by,

an onlooker,
a walking shadow.

and this girl can't stop writing.

she stalks

|| cyn bea bao zou mel ||
|| joan weepz ||
|| blockc yeanching lehia kexi zhenlin horace alvin dina sandra becca tzehee ||
|| cruzteng peifen dasmondkoh ||
|| xiaozhu xiaogui sunxiezhi ashin kangyong ||
|| derrick jinglun stefsun natho lawrencewong ||
|| feliciachin joannepeh jeanetteaw sharonaw ||
|| xiaohan hyr chimkang mingde dannyyeo ||
|| xuyunling alvinology mrbrown esther ||
|| drbondar psychdigest ||
|| kfdrawing iwrotethisforyou thingsweforget ||

After all, what is in the past but what we choose to remember? They can choose not to hide it, to take what's broken, to feel the pain and know that it will heal. They know where happiness lies, not in a cave or a country, but in love and the freedom to give and take what has been there all along.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

she watches on

Others desire to experience the blessedness of giving, but we often frustrate them by refusing their help.


“你有心事吗？”
“或许有一天，我会告诉你吧。”
--《不能说的·秘密》

she holds on

　Memories were also a way of looking in a mirror, but it was a jagged mirror of broken glass, one that cast imperfect reflections. Like shards, these memories drew blood.

February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 July 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 April 2016 May 2016 June 2016 August 2016 September 2016 October 2016 November 2016 December 2016 January 2017 February 2017 April 2017 May 2017 August 2017 September 2017 October 2017 November 2017 December 2017 January 2018 February 2018 April 2018 June 2018 July 2018 September 2018 October 2018 November 2018 December 2018 February 2019 April 2019 June 2019 August 2019 October 2019 December 2019 January 2020 February 2020 March 2020 April 2020 May 2020 July 2020 November 2020 February 2021 April 2021 July 2021 September 2021 November 2021 March 2022

she never gets

永远不会交的功课 || 永远不会实现的愿望

|| you ||

Responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself... Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.
-- Deepak Chopra

she thanks

Designer : Wei Jun
Brushes : Deviantart - Spy Glass

I don't know, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm a pair of eyes and ears, and I'm just trying to stay safe and make sense of what's happening. I know what to avoid, what to worry about.I'm like those kids who live with gunfire going off around them. I don't want pain. I don't want to die. I don't want to see other people around me die. But I don't have anything left inside me to figure out where I fit in or what I want. If I want anything, it's to know what's possible to want.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Wednesday, October 31, 2007
withers away @ 11:28 pm

self: u know u cannot lose it now. no not now. not now. please.

It's something Mystical

withers away @ 5:19 pm

today's a bad day. nothing has gone right. nothing's going right. nothing. even the freaking powerpoint doesn't like me. yeah let's go eat some worms.

It's something Mystical

Saturday, October 27, 2007
withers away @ 2:44 am

from music and lyrics: way back into love.

i've been living with a shadow overhead
i've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
i've been lonely for so long
trapped in the past, i just can't seem to move on

i've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
just in case i ever need em again someday
i've been setting aside time
to clear a little space in the corners of my mind

all i want to do is find a way back into love
i can't make it through without a way back into love
oh oh oh

i've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
i've been searching but i just don't see the signs
i know that it's out there
there's got to be something for my soul somewhere

i've been looking for someone to shed some light
not somebody just to get me through the night
i could use some direction
and i'm open to your suggestions

all i want to do is find a way back into love
i can't make it through without a way back into love
and if i open my heart again
i guess i'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

there are moments when i don't know if it's real
or if anybody feels the way i feel
i need inspiration
not just another negotiation

all i want to do is find a way back into love
i can't make it through without a way back into love
and if i open my heart to you
i'm hoping you'll show me what to do
and if you help me to start again
you know that i'll be there for you in the end
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

It's something Mystical

Friday, October 26, 2007
withers away @ 2:37 am

there's something about time. that is, it just passes you by. and sometimes u dunno if u should just sleep or just go on. argh.
but smth on my desk cheers me up. yeah that's good.
super old old song by sharon au. i caught it on 933 the other day, and hurried to note the lyrics down, coz they're hopeful. haha something i need in times like these. sidenote: u can imagine how clear her articulation is, since i could note down the lyrics just like that. haha.

mei dang wo hen bu kai xin de shi hou
wo zong ai dui zi ji shuo
shi jie bu shi ge xiao xiao de wu yan
tian kong hao da hao yuan

mei jing guo han dong na lai mei hua xiang
mei you li ming zen hui you shu guang
ren sheng de dao lu qi qu huo ping tan
hai bu shi yao zi ji qu cheng dan

deng dai tian liang
qi dai shu guang
jiang xin zhong yin mai dou zhao liang
jia ru quan shi jie bu zai you hei an
wo de shi jie hui bu hui geng can lan
wo de sheng ming hui bu hui geng can lan

you shei zhi you kai xin bu bei shang
yu dao cuo zhe bu ju sang
ren sheng de lv tu zen yang duo bian huan
yao kao zi ji de pan duan
shu guang by sharon au

It's something Mystical

Wednesday, October 24, 2007
withers away @ 2:25 pm

pms is no good. bad dudu bad.....

It's something Mystical

Friday, October 19, 2007
withers away @ 1:35 am

觉得有些奇怪。
有一点兴奋，有一点不安，有一点高兴，有一点失落。
面对空白的电脑荧幕，竟然有些不知所措。很想写些什么，但又不知从何说起。总之，整个感觉很矛盾。懂我的人也应该看得出，连我现在写的文字也有些语无伦次。
不能说生活十分规律，只是觉得自己和旁人都陷入一场和学习的斗争。每天忙得不可开交，深夜仍在赶些什么的，似乎一直在跟什么挣扎着，觉得怪难受的。
每个月都会有这种莫名其妙的失落感，真是对自己很残忍。
发自内心的挣扎，才是那个最难搞的恶魔吧。
（抱歉，这是些十分消极的文字。但总觉得，写出来才能够摆脱。我没事，只是想说说话而已，好让自己在这么晚的时候有段情绪上的抒发，才能继续做事。）

It's something Mystical

Sunday, October 14, 2007
withers away @ 12:02 am

ytd's calling was sian. coz i was the only mkting person in the room doing the calling. not like having more ppl will help, coz there's only one phone, but at least it makes things a little less boring.
at least i was freed when i went out later on haha. its actually pretty interesting seeing a dog being groomed. its nice to just go out and walk around. with nothing in mind, just looking around, relaxed. everyone needs a break sometimes.:D
神様、もう少しだけ

It's something Mystical

Friday, October 12, 2007
withers away @ 2:57 pm

hoho. we shan't talk abt wed's test. i'm just happy that my mid-terms are all over *beams*
have been slacking for the past few days poupee-ing away. anyway we had maf on wed with kr c block, and i can't say it was really fun or anything, but the mooncakes were delicious *_* swensens mooncakes, in three flavours - durian, hazelnuts and chocolate. i didn't have dinner that day, but i had a really full supper.
ytd we met up with someone from a t-shirt printing company and had a discussion over sp sponsorship. it was an eye-opening experience really, understanding how the company's operations were like. he was v friendly and sincere, and i really think we can clinch this deal haha. apparently they are involved in lots of branding and merchandise, just that they keep low profile, and yinghui just happened to call them from yellow pages.
as a result, we're calling again today from yellow pages. hoho. we need more sponsors, and ernest says he's looking forward to meeting a monetary sponsor. HAHA. anyway ytd's meeting was the first out of many to come (hopefully) and i think we all had some take-aways from it. really v different experience from everything, even from flag canvassing.
ok i better go now before yinghui thinks i died eating lunch.

It's something Mystical

Monday, October 08, 2007
withers away @ 10:11 pm

i must say, yi hern has a way with the choir. also has smth to do with the attitudes of the choristers too.
lovely song we're singing now. singing makes me happy:)
you will when you believe

It's something Mystical

Sunday, October 07, 2007
withers away @ 12:38 am

so long! anyway i've been busy. pms period over, no time to really pms anyway. i wouldnt say things are all going on smoothly and stuff, but its all part of life and nothing really screwed up. *conveniently forgets abt my CAs* life isn't abt CAs only anyway. so its ok:D
right after mid-sem break, comms opened and snatched all our nights away. i was having choir practice with meetings, not forgetting tests and block events. my nights are all burnt and i still had to cope with the tests. of course, everyone in hall was doing that. just need some kinda, let's say... time management. but i nv regretted hall, since it led me to see so much more than what i would if i was just cooped at home. both the good and the bad. i cant say explicitly how it enriched my life in wad ways, but its all a v different experience altogther, considering how much i was in my own world in the past. of course there're still times when i go back into my own world, and that's when i shut my door - literally.
anyway, another CA coming up on wed. proj outline due on mon. cyn and i burnt our night doing it. we probably saw the sunrise. loads of meeting for sp (sheares production, annual drama production for hall) mkting. we need to CALL. sponsors and stuff. right frm the yellow pages name after name. first time in my life doing this. seriously dun like doing stuff like these, but i noe liasing is impt everywhere and i had just better start doing things like that now. we need to go into the outside world someday. no escape. swoc flag was already a pretty interesting experience. looking fwd to see if we can have this legacy as our ic said. HAHA. hey why not right, we broke the record for flag:D
ok i realized i wrote in a pretty different way for this entry. somehow. ok im weird. not enough slp for the entire wk. will get back my slp after tests are over.
nearly forgot. new craze: facebk. newer craze: poupee. this is a jap website where u have this girl character and u buy stuff to dress her up everyday. for us gals who want to do retail therapy but have a serious lack of time and/or money. its free retail therapy. hohoho. the entire zoo less mel has an acct. its fun. real fun. hoho. and this is me
it's the little things that matter the most.

It's something Mystical